Thursday, October 16, 2008

Victory and Mourning...

So, I did it, I got my house clean and not only presentable, but beautiful, in my opinion. I am very proud of my accomplishment and was able to let the girls in, knowing that I went above and beyond. I don't normally do that, normally while people are at my house I'm looking at small messes all around, wishing I had spent more time cleaning it. I know that God is doing a work in me and He has empowered me to do this, because it is totally out of character. I finally feel victory in my life, I've been struggling for a very long time. I've been letting my weaknesses and sins, rule my life, and for the first time, probably since I've been married, I finally feel like I've overcome it. I've finally surrendered to God, telling Him I just can't do it. I'm unable. I've thought for years, I just need to try harder. Push more, but no matter what I did, I'd fail, I could do one thing well, but everything else would slip. So I tried to balance life, by catching the area that was falling the furthest, just hoping I could keep things from hitting the floor. But now I see, that I can't do it and if I just let go, and put God first, then He'll hold everything for me. He'll give me the strength to get things done and keep them up. It feels glorious and it's so neat to see how much my relationship with God effects my family. Eric and Alissa, both enjoy and are changed by the change God is doing in me. 

My night with the girls was very neat, as a group we went through the study and were able to encourage a few of the girls that are struggling with different areas in their marriage or life, while going through the study. After the study, when we normally do prayer requests, one of the girls, shared with us that her and her mom are struggling, because her stepdad has cancer, and he is not responding to any treatment, they are having trouble with the fact that God blessed her mom with a wonderful christian husband, and is now taking him away. They have only been married for a short time, maybe 4-7 years. She loves her mom dearly and is hurting for her the most. Watching her struggle with this was so hard, my heart just broke for her, knowing that she just wanted the best for her mom, and she felt so helpless, and maybe even betrayed. We shared some thoughts with her, encouraging her that God will still take care of her mom, no matter what happens, and then laid our hands on her and all prayed for her and her family. You could tell when she left, that a burden had been lifted from her shoulders and she had a small ray of hope. I tell you all this asking for prayer for her and her family, his name is Jim, he also has 2 children of his own, that are avoiding the situation. Please pray that if God doesn't choose to heal him, that he will end well, and that his family will find peace and comfort, despite the situation.

I was talking to Eric tonight about how hard it is to be in a place where God is blessing us and our life is good, while people all around us are hurting and going through hard and difficult times. Our families are dealing with hard things, and we have a hard time reaching out to them and wish we could just take the pain on ourselves, but we can't. And we still need to enjoy the blessings that God has given us, but sometimes, it makes me feel so shallow. Because I can't fully understand what other people are going through. I don't know how Julee is feeling right now, or what LaNette is going through without Daviance, and I want to help them, but I don't know how, so instead I just ignore it hoping to take the hurt from them by distracting them, the way I've always dealt with my pain. So my prayer for today, is that God would teach me how to mourn with those who mourn, to feel their pain and bless them. Pray that God would be able to use me in these situations rather than letting me run and hide until the storm passes. 

4 comments:

Beverly Hernandez said...

Oh, my sweet, sweet Jessica. I am just thrilled to see how God is working in your life. It gives me much comfort. I've felt so helpless for so long. You've been in a spot that really only God can help you. I loved hearing about your victory.

As you remain faithful to the Lord and continue to strive to please Him, you will be surprised at how much He can do in you. Be diligent in your Bible Study with your girls. As good as the married's group you and Eric are in, this girls study is what will help you to excel and to see the jewel that you are. You are a precious jewel. The word that comes to mind for you is to abide. If only we could heed that more.

It's also great to hear you talk about the reality of life and facing that you can't pretend everything away. We'll talk later.

Keep sharing with Eric and talking. It sounds like you guys have discovered communication and he is paying attention to your thoughts and needs and you to his.

I love ya' girl,
Mom

Anonymous said...

Praise God for victroies that can only come from Him. Nothing is better than when you let go and let God then see his mighty hand at work.

I think God breaks our hearts for other people so we can pray more effectively for them. It's a painful and beautiful thing when we can genuinely carry anothers burdens in prayer.
When you are devastated and can't pray yourself then Jesus and others pray on our behalf. I have experienced this very deeply with the loss of Daviance.

There is nothing like a close group of women friends to share your life with. You know how much my girlfriends have meant to me. The longer we're friends, and the more joys and heartaches we share, the deeper our love has grown. It has been one of God's amazing graces in my life.

Your are a beautiful child of your Abba Father and he delights in you and so do I!
I love you lots!
LaNette

Briana "Symmie" Simmons said...

Ahhh my precious cousin. I loved hearing your heart. Praise God for what He is doing in your life.

I was just listening to a teaching about this recently how sometimes its hard to be joyful when we are truly in a joyful place but those around us are not. Don't downplay it, just be honest that right now God has you in a joyful place.

Praying for the ability to mourn with those who mourn is exactly what you can do and God will give you the ability. I will pray for you too.

How did your girls like the gifts you got them in Alaska???

I love you!!!

bri

Julee Huy said...

You've been Tagged!

 
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