Victory and Mourning...

So, I did it, I got my house clean and not only presentable, but beautiful, in my opinion. I am very proud of my accomplishment and was able to let the girls in, knowing that I went above and beyond. I don't normally do that, normally while people are at my house I'm looking at small messes all around, wishing I had spent more time cleaning it. I know that God is doing a work in me and He has empowered me to do this, because it is totally out of character. I finally feel victory in my life, I've been struggling for a very long time. I've been letting my weaknesses and sins, rule my life, and for the first time, probably since I've been married, I finally feel like I've overcome it. I've finally surrendered to God, telling Him I just can't do it. I'm unable. I've thought for years, I just need to try harder. Push more, but no matter what I did, I'd fail, I could do one thing well, but everything else would slip. So I tried to balance life, by catching the area that was falling the furthest, just hoping I could keep things from hitting the floor. But now I see, that I can't do it and if I just let go, and put God first, then He'll hold everything for me. He'll give me the strength to get things done and keep them up. It feels glorious and it's so neat to see how much my relationship with God effects my family. Eric and Alissa, both enjoy and are changed by the change God is doing in me. 

My night with the girls was very neat, as a group we went through the study and were able to encourage a few of the girls that are struggling with different areas in their marriage or life, while going through the study. After the study, when we normally do prayer requests, one of the girls, shared with us that her and her mom are struggling, because her stepdad has cancer, and he is not responding to any treatment, they are having trouble with the fact that God blessed her mom with a wonderful christian husband, and is now taking him away. They have only been married for a short time, maybe 4-7 years. She loves her mom dearly and is hurting for her the most. Watching her struggle with this was so hard, my heart just broke for her, knowing that she just wanted the best for her mom, and she felt so helpless, and maybe even betrayed. We shared some thoughts with her, encouraging her that God will still take care of her mom, no matter what happens, and then laid our hands on her and all prayed for her and her family. You could tell when she left, that a burden had been lifted from her shoulders and she had a small ray of hope. I tell you all this asking for prayer for her and her family, his name is Jim, he also has 2 children of his own, that are avoiding the situation. Please pray that if God doesn't choose to heal him, that he will end well, and that his family will find peace and comfort, despite the situation.

I was talking to Eric tonight about how hard it is to be in a place where God is blessing us and our life is good, while people all around us are hurting and going through hard and difficult times. Our families are dealing with hard things, and we have a hard time reaching out to them and wish we could just take the pain on ourselves, but we can't. And we still need to enjoy the blessings that God has given us, but sometimes, it makes me feel so shallow. Because I can't fully understand what other people are going through. I don't know how Julee is feeling right now, or what LaNette is going through without Daviance, and I want to help them, but I don't know how, so instead I just ignore it hoping to take the hurt from them by distracting them, the way I've always dealt with my pain. So my prayer for today, is that God would teach me how to mourn with those who mourn, to feel their pain and bless them. Pray that God would be able to use me in these situations rather than letting me run and hide until the storm passes.