Victory and Mourning...

So, I did it, I got my house clean and not only presentable, but beautiful, in my opinion. I am very proud of my accomplishment and was able to let the girls in, knowing that I went above and beyond. I don't normally do that, normally while people are at my house I'm looking at small messes all around, wishing I had spent more time cleaning it. I know that God is doing a work in me and He has empowered me to do this, because it is totally out of character. I finally feel victory in my life, I've been struggling for a very long time. I've been letting my weaknesses and sins, rule my life, and for the first time, probably since I've been married, I finally feel like I've overcome it. I've finally surrendered to God, telling Him I just can't do it. I'm unable. I've thought for years, I just need to try harder. Push more, but no matter what I did, I'd fail, I could do one thing well, but everything else would slip. So I tried to balance life, by catching the area that was falling the furthest, just hoping I could keep things from hitting the floor. But now I see, that I can't do it and if I just let go, and put God first, then He'll hold everything for me. He'll give me the strength to get things done and keep them up. It feels glorious and it's so neat to see how much my relationship with God effects my family. Eric and Alissa, both enjoy and are changed by the change God is doing in me. 

My night with the girls was very neat, as a group we went through the study and were able to encourage a few of the girls that are struggling with different areas in their marriage or life, while going through the study. After the study, when we normally do prayer requests, one of the girls, shared with us that her and her mom are struggling, because her stepdad has cancer, and he is not responding to any treatment, they are having trouble with the fact that God blessed her mom with a wonderful christian husband, and is now taking him away. They have only been married for a short time, maybe 4-7 years. She loves her mom dearly and is hurting for her the most. Watching her struggle with this was so hard, my heart just broke for her, knowing that she just wanted the best for her mom, and she felt so helpless, and maybe even betrayed. We shared some thoughts with her, encouraging her that God will still take care of her mom, no matter what happens, and then laid our hands on her and all prayed for her and her family. You could tell when she left, that a burden had been lifted from her shoulders and she had a small ray of hope. I tell you all this asking for prayer for her and her family, his name is Jim, he also has 2 children of his own, that are avoiding the situation. Please pray that if God doesn't choose to heal him, that he will end well, and that his family will find peace and comfort, despite the situation.

I was talking to Eric tonight about how hard it is to be in a place where God is blessing us and our life is good, while people all around us are hurting and going through hard and difficult times. Our families are dealing with hard things, and we have a hard time reaching out to them and wish we could just take the pain on ourselves, but we can't. And we still need to enjoy the blessings that God has given us, but sometimes, it makes me feel so shallow. Because I can't fully understand what other people are going through. I don't know how Julee is feeling right now, or what LaNette is going through without Daviance, and I want to help them, but I don't know how, so instead I just ignore it hoping to take the hurt from them by distracting them, the way I've always dealt with my pain. So my prayer for today, is that God would teach me how to mourn with those who mourn, to feel their pain and bless them. Pray that God would be able to use me in these situations rather than letting me run and hide until the storm passes. 

The trouble we go through to get what we want

Yesterday, I was reading my bible study, and I heard Alissa pushing something into the kitchen. I got up to see what she was doing. She was pushing one of our kitchen chairs into the kitchen so she could climb up onto the chair and reach the tortilla chips that were on the counter. It was the first time she's ever done that. It made me think about all the trouble I will go through just to get what I want. I will put forth all sorts of energy to get it, but when it comes to a responsibility, I suddenly have no energy and decide that I just can't do it. If I could put half the energy that I put to do something that I want into doing something I need to do, I would practically be able to conquer the world :) ok, not quite, but I would be able to actually accomplish something. Today, and tomorrow, I will be able to put this into practice, because I committed to hosting our girls bible study at my house. Which means I need a clean, presentable house by wednesday night. And I need to be ready to lead the study. I'm very excited for the challenge of leading the study, I will be the first one leading this study, kind of scary, but exciting. Please pray for me, that I will be prepared and that God will use me. 

The Power of a praying wife

I'm currently in a bible study with 8 girls that are my age and married. We just finished going through the bible study, Search for significance. That was a very good study, and I learned a lot from it. This week we are starting a new study. The power of a praying wife. I'm very excited to do this study, as I'm not very good at praying for my husband, and I'm always trying to fix him. When most of the time I know that I'm the one that needs to be fixed. But it's easier to blame him for my problems. I started reading the first chapter today and already have been touched by the study. I'm trying to do a little of the study everyday. In hopes to finish the first chapter by Wednesday when I meet with my girls again. The beginning of the study talked about us needing to pray for ourselves before we pray for our husbands, and be willing to change instead just wanting our husbands to change. I've examined my heart and know that I'm willing and ready to change. I feel like I have been dormant for a long time, not really changing just surviving. And now, I'm ready to make a change, ready to feel God working in my life, even if it means hard, difficult times. So, my prayer for today is that God will start working in my heart and preparing me for the change that He is going to put me through and that I will be diligent with the study and set aside time for it everyday. I'm committing to spend 15 min a day on the study, and going to complete that 15 min sometime between 11-1.